For Parents

Waiting is the Hard Part

So when you read the title of this post did Tom Petty’s song “Waiting is the Hardest Part” come to mind? If not, it probably did now. (Cue music in your head).

We all have problems with waiting. Well, why not? In this fast-paced world you can get emails instantly, text someone across the world and receive an answer a few seconds later, and you can even have a face-to-face chat as you are walking down the street. Why should we have to wait anymore?

But, alas, waiting is a part of life. And it’s not fun.

In my house at the moment, we are waiting for something big — college acceptance letters! For those of you who haven’t experienced this, it is a stressful time. It is the first time in your life where your child’s future cannot be influenced by you. Always before you could perhaps guide the outcome of something- perhaps by talking to a teacher when a paper is late, or maybe smoothing over differences with a coach when your child is upset. But college admissions offices don’t want to deal with parents or guardians any more. It’s all up to them. They decide the fate of your child. In or out. That’s all you get.

As I watch and wait with my daughter, I am struck by how similar applying for college is like writing. In very simplistic terms the stories we write are sort of like our own babies. We have stayed up late with them, we have nurtured them — sometimes for years — before they are ready, and when we push send on the email or place the stamp on the envelope, we are sending them off into the world. Much like college admissions offices, the agents and editors that receive our carefully crafted manuscripts don’t allow any kind of “parental” interference. The wait can seem interminable, and quite frankly, sometimes it is. It can be weeks or months before you hear about your manuscript. Or, unfortunately, you may never hear anything.

Having gone through the college process once before, with my son, we know how the waiting can wear on you. First of all, everyone asks – so where are you going to college. Those questions start at Christmas your senior year in high school. Yeah, most schools don’t start sending out acceptances until late March or early April. In teenage years, that’s an eternity.

So the big question, is what do you do while you are waiting?

I did a Google search of “waiting” and came up with 207 billion (that’s with a ‘B’) results. Wow! A LOT of people must be talking about or thinking about waiting.

I went to Amazon and did a search on “Waiting” under children’s books and came up with 267 results. That’s a lot of books about waiting.

This was the book that came up as the #1 selection :


Which was funny, because this book is the very one I received from my parents when I graduated from high school. How cool is that?  Of course at the time, I thought it was kind of cheesy. I mean who gets a high school graduate a children’s book, as a gift?  Still, I remember reading it and thinking, well, that was nice… I guess.

Little did I know that all these years later, that little children’s book was a symbol of things to come.  At the time, being a children’s author was the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted to be a doctor. What happened? Things change. And now I’m here. But WOW what a journey and what a wonderful job this is. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Even as I sit and wait every time I send out a new submission. Isn’t it funny that sometimes while we are waiting, the answer comes to us. Not always in the form that we want, but maybe in something new and different.

As we wait to hear from the colleges my daughter applied to, we discuss all the possibilities. What if she gets in college A? That would mean a big change– a new climate and environment. But college B would mean a really big school with lots of kids. College C, well, that one is great but very expensive. The opportunities are endless, as are the challenges. Whatever her ultimate decision is,  we are confident it will be the best one for her. Waiting can be hard, but in the end, it is worth it because it gives you time and perspective.

And as the saying goes, sometimes the best things come to those who wait. 🙂

So, tell me, what do you do while you are waiting for things to happen?

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Jennifer Swanson is the author of over 14 fiction and nonfiction books for kids. She is a true science geek, a mystery book freak, and finds it hard to wait for things — especially  a new book in the series she is reading.

When not to recommend a book

A dad I know searched used book stores and sites until he came across the book he thought would be perfect for his nine-year-old son. No matter that it had been out of print since 1985; the dad himself could vouch for its power since it had been his favorite book – in 1979.

That particular book will remain unnamed here. It’s a perfectly fine book. But the scenario of a parent (or other well-intentioned adult) giving a book to a young reader that has nothing to do with that reader’s preferences AND that has all that extra weight of being so important – this rarely ends well.

What do you do when an adult gets between a reader and the right book? Robin Rousu, a children’s librarian and one of my friends/colleagues at Seattle Public Library, says it’s all about giving the child more options. “You don’t want to question the parents’ or teachers’ authority, but you want to be ready with some other options,” she says. Those options might be a better fit, and at the very least they’ll get more of a conversation going. “That gives the reader an out without hurting the teacher’s feelings, or the child worrying about hurting someone’s feelings.”

I tend to gush when I really love a book, and I’m constantly reminding myself in my day job as a librarian to avoid saying things like “This is the BEST book” or “You’re going to love that book.” I still find plenty of w

books

Books I may have pushed a little too hard, and I admit to maybe being a *little* sad that other family members did not love them the same way.

ays to swoon over books and to talk about what it is I loved about them. And I encourage each and every person in the world to keep gushing and swooning and loving and sharing excitement about books. But maybe we can all cut back a bit on pushing our own tastes and favorites on kids.

“It’s usually coming from a very good place, though,” Robin the librarian reminds me, especially in the case of a relative bestowing a child with one of his or her own favorite books. “It’s coming out of love.”

Let’s just try to add a couple of books to that love pile so that there are options — and a better chance for a young reader to connect with a book that will become his own favorite.

Life is What You Make It – Inteview with CinderSilly author

When I was a kid I loved the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, Cinderella. We all wanted to be her, the beautiful damsel in distress who sang, “I’m as mild and as meek as a mouse, When I hear a command, I obey; But I know of a spot in my house Where no one can stand in my way. . .” and that spot she refers to is a chair in a corner where she goes to pretend that she’s someone else. Families gathered around and cheered when the prince finally comes to save our heroine from further abuse.

But, wait. . .  why go in a corner and just pretend your rotten life is good? Couldn’t she save herself? And a bigger question is, why would we want to be like someone who needs to be saved?

There are hundreds of versions of the Cinderella story but I have to say, one that I like best, one that I want my own children to know, is the story0_0_0_0_250_375_csupload_44898558_large of CinderSilly, written by Diana Thompson.

Diana is the founder, director, and facilitator of Dramatic Adventures a program that teaches emotional, social, and problem solving skills to children. In Diana’s own words, “Dramatic Adventures’ techniques transform every day challenges from: Blame to Leadership, Avoidance to Action, Whining to Winning!” Imagine if this program had been around when Cinderella was a kid. Maybe that’s who CinderSilly really is, a Cinderella who spent time at Dramatic Adventures and came out wiser, stronger, and more socially-skilled.

In this version of the fairy-tale, Diana says, “She overcomes the bullying of her stepmother, teasing from stepsisters, the difficult task of chores, and doesn’t need to marry a prince or become a princess to live HAPPIER EVER AFTER.  CinderSilly doesn’t need magic to gain control of her circumstances and her life.  She is a pro-active girl with a positive attitude, who doesn’t accept the traditional victim role.” CinderSilly shows us that “life is what you make it.”

I’d like to welcome Diana to our Mixed-Up Files.

You are clearly a person who believes that life is what you make it and you’ve been involved in so many interesting projects. What is your education and background?

I am a theatre professional and playwright. I attended the University of North Carolina School of the Arts, and worked in NYC as an actor and writer. For many years, I directed children in theatre programs, and placed a strong emphasis on developing life skills through theatre. Over the years, it seemed students needed life skills more and more until that finally became the primary focus and theatre became secondary. I’m very glad it did.

I also partnered with Dr. Betty Brittain, a life-long educator who specialized in problem solving skills to ensure we had a solid foundation.

 What made you decide to write CinderSilly?

0_0_0_0_250_270_csupload_57172462_largeIn 2004, I was developing an interactive storytelling program to teach emotional intelligence to children, entitled Fairytales and Feelings. I was studying stories that would provide a solid foundation for underlying lessons. Of course, little girls love princesses, and my daughter was no exception. I would have preferred she pretend to be a queen. It made me crazy to see she and her friends play pretty and passive. I was amazed that I had never brought home a princess movie, but she still know them all. You know the saying, ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” So, I wrote CinderSilly as a counter role model. This is a girl who is pro-active, overcomes her circumstances and creates her own ‘happier ever after’. She doesn’t even get married.

I read over 400 versions of Cinderella. Stories that included witches, and alligators, and all sorts of things. Though the settings and characters were drawn differently, they still had a lot in common – they all portrayed a young woman playing the victim. Magic saves her, and then she marries a prince. CinderSilly is the anti-Cinderella! She is a young girl, who proves that you can make your own magic.

How can teachers, librarians, and drama teachers use this book in their classrooms?

­I ran CinderSilly as part of the Fairytales and Feelings series for 7 years before completing the book. Over that time, we carefully integrated tools for teaching social and emotional intelligence. In fact, we packed so many great things into the book, I wanted to make sure they were a solid resource to anyone who wanted to draw upon them. So, we put together a supplemental book entitled Empowered Princess, filled with crafts,activities, and discussion topics which is available on CinderSilly’s website. CinderSilly is also available through Follett Library Resources, Baker & Taylor, and the Barnes & Noble Bookstore catalog.

The artwork for the book is gorgeous! Tell me how you found your artist.

I am the former theatre director of the Denver Children’s museum. While I was there, I had the honor of working with Jill Haller, the exhibits director. She and her husband Thom were two of the most creative individuals I had ever met in my entire life. Jill created the Center for the Young Child, (among other amazing exhibits) while I was there and I saw first hand how captivating her work was for children. I knew I wanted to create this book to work with the two of them. They produced such a beautiful product, the book is displayed in the Denver Art museum gift shop. From the time we began the art work, it took four years to complete.

Will there be more books in the Fairytales and Feelings series?

Yes, we are working on the next project. Sign up at cindersilly.com, and you will be the first to know.

Thank you so much for joining us here. I’m looking forward to more empowering fairy tales from you!

 

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Jennifer Duddy Gill is the author of The Secret of Ferrell Savage. (Atheneum/Simon & Schuster, February 2014)