Book Lists

Author Patti Criswell is a clinical social worker, author and speaker who specializes in working with girls and young women. She is also a member of the faculty in the School of Social Work at Western Michigan University. She has a special interest in the areas of bully prevention and helping girls develop a positive self esteem. Her books for middle grade readers include A Smart Girl’s Guide to Friendship Troubles and Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends, among many others.

It’s a really important time of life and friendships can help girls navigate the normal struggles of the tween years. What are some common causes for friendships dissolving at this age?
Lots of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. There is downright betrayal, but mostly, girls are doing the best they can and having good communication and boundary setting skills can really help.

Why do you think friendships are so important during the upper elementary school and middle school years?
As we become more independent, the world outside our family becomes more accessible. It’s exciting and affirming to find others who we connect with.

How do you think that social media might harm a friendship?
Misunderstandings happen because it’s easy to put a negative spin on the things that are written. On a more serious note when something is put in writing and shared with others it does SO MUCH damage, that often, friendships can’t be saved, worse yet, someone’s self-esteem and sense of emotional safety can be ruined with a simple click.

How do you think that social media might promote friendship?
The sheer volume of communication and the ease and accessibility of it helps girls get to know each other better.

What are the signs that a friendship is disintegrating?
If you are with someone, and over and over you feel worse after seeing them instead of better—it’s time to re-evaluate.

How do kids during the tween years balance honesty and consideration of feelings when communicating with each other?
It’s not what you say but how you say it. By softening language, and coming from a kind and caring place you can be honest with friends. You can also side step questions when you know the answer would hurt someone, for example asking “Well, I’m not sure why you are asking me that?”

Is three really an awkward number when it comes to friendship?
It doesn’t have to be. If girls are not in competition with each other for the role of BFF, and if friendships are inclusive, a group of three can work just fine.

Are there benefits to having one best friend versus being a part of a larger group?
I think having one best friend is risky, but being part of a group can be as well. I think the answer is to have a buffet of friends, school friends, older and younger friends, guy friends, far away friends, sports or music friends etc. Then you have the best chance of navigating the loss of a friend. It’s a safety net of sorts.

What are the ways that friendships begin?
Always with a “hi”

Any advice to teachers and parents about friendship?
Try not to assign roles when there are friendship troubles. Sometimes it can’t be avoided, but in general, empowering girls to stand up for themselves and guiding them through the conflict resolution part of friendship is really important.

The tweens are all about transitions. Do you see those transitions happening in friendships as well? What do they look like?
Friendship is like a dance, sometimes we are close, and sometimes far away—that’s the natural course of friendship. If a friend is more interested in something or someone else, be patient, don’t demand closeness or give ultimatums, just try to be supportive and stay positive.

Hillary Homzie is a former sketch comedian who writes funny books for tween girls. Her most recent middle-grade novel is The Hot List (Simon & Schuster/Mix 2011).

Just recently, my husband took a new job in a new part of the country. We are moving to Evanston, IL from Hanover, NH. It’s a big change. And can I brag about my son, a rising senior in high school? He is taking the news like an opportunity….”I trust you,” he said.

Now the hard part: packing.

Or should I say: packing and throwing. Because we really would like to start this new life with a lot less stuff.

And my husband reminded me: that includes BOOKS.

(He’s not wrong. I do have a lot of them.)

Yesterday, we began the process. ie: the negotiations.

Being the reasonable person I am (having fought for and saved the hand made dollhouse, the Thomas trains and a huge herd of plastic dinosaurs), I said, “Okay. I’ll donate a bunch of them to the library. Or a school.”

And here’s the irony: sharing books is as exciting as reading them. Going through my bookshelves reminded me of all the things I’ve learned by reading lots and lots and lots of books.

But some I can’t part with. I know I’ll want to read them again.

First box: my collection of middle grade novels that I still use to teach.

Second box is more important: the books that meant a lot to my kids as young readers.

 

 

 

 

 

(It works.)

I asked them to choose which middle grade novels to keep, the ones they still remember YEARS after reading them.

Here are their picks:

Rebecca’s first book: RIDING FREEDOM.

 

 

 

 

 

She loved this book–not because she loved horses–but because it was about a girl who risked everything. She ran away. Changed her identity. For what she wanted. “That book really inspired me,” she said. “It made me think that everything was possible.

ALSO ON HER LIST: Swear to Howdy, Harry Potter, esp 1 and 3, Esperanza Rising, and a whole stack of classics, most notably, Little Women. (She started a Pickwick club in middle school.)

Elliot’s first title: BUNNICULA.

I would bet he has read this book two thousand times. (In fact, I caught him reading it two weeks ago.) He has also listened to it on tape. When he was very small, I once found him, tears running down his face, listening to the author’s note, Howe’s tribute to his late wife, Deborah. For a long time, when I would catch Elliot looking blue, he’d say, “I’m just thinking about Debbie.” The irony that this person could create something enduring…and die…still makes him melancholy.

His list also includes a ton of history books, The Notorious Benedict Arnold, The Secret Lives of US Presidents, graphic novels, Captain Underpants, A stack of Garth Nix and Jonathan Stroud, and HP 1-3 and 5-7. (4 makes him sad.)

I chose books too, most notably the two stolen library books that I still have with me from childhood. (The statute of  limitations has run out, right?) The first is Judy Blume’s BLUBBER.

   Oh, that bathroom scene.

 

(right?)

 

 

The other is Patricia Clapp’s JANE EMILY.

If you want a creepy story, it’s available at many libraries, minus one.

I’m proud to say: I’m down to six boxes from eighteen. 

Now time to look at the shoes.

 

 

 

Sarah Aronson writes books for kids and teens. She teaches online classes for writers.com. Even though she’s leaving New England, she’ll be back in Montpelier for the tenth annual Novel Writing Retreat at Vermont College. 

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